Borrowed children

The other Sunday, I was teaching about Hannah and Samuel. She asked God fervently for a son, and promised she would give him to serve in the temple if God would give her the child. He lived with her only until he was weaned, then she took him to the temple to live. My lesson text said this: “Therefore have I lent him to the Lord;” Hannah said, “as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord.” One of the discussion points was that really God just "lends" us our children, until they are needed to do His work.

A friend and I were discussing surrogate mothers. She asked if I could carry a baby for her. (hypothetically, I believe.) I said "yes". As I thought about it though, I realized that I would expect to have access to this child that I had carried. That I would feel more of a bond with this child than with the one she has now. That I would expect her to be... not just a good mother, but a good mother "like me", for this child. Then I realized that God trusts us to take care of His children. That He would have every right to expect me, not just to be a good mother the way I see it, but to be a mother like He would want me to be.

Now that I have had these revelations, though, I am scared. Why does God want me to know this?? How am I supposed to use this information? Obviously as a reminder to be a godly mother, as much as is humanly possible. But what if He's preparing me? "My" kids aren't mine. If He has need of them, I want them to be ready. They are both Christians, my brother and sister (they think that's funny, that Mommy is their sister); what if it would serve God for one of them to suffer? to die? Life is full of the unexpected. I hope that I will remember to praise God no matter how He uses my children (or me, or my husband). I am thankful for my church family and the support I've seen for others who have needed it. I know they would be there for me as well. And my family and in-law family. I'm not feeling morose, lest anyone be worried, just contemplative. (sorry if I've gotten anyone else down.) Thanks for reading.